01: where does the time go?

seasonal depression and prioritizing joy

Illustration by Katie Benn

For most of my adult life, this time of year is always difficult for me. It’s like clockwork. My friends and family know that right after my birthday in early October, a dark, uninvited guest knocks on my door. It’s name is seasonal depression. This familiar guest lingers until February usually. Being new to a city, adjusting to colder temperatures, darker and shorter days, and dealing with a slow pace in my job that I frankly do not love. I’m existentially asking myself “where does the time go?” Yes, I am binging another show and walking around my apartment aimlessly at 5:30pm, but I’m gently leaning into adjusting to this slower pace. I’m learning about this idea to “prioritize joy.”  This idea came from a recent article from The Creative Independent about poet and musician, Alabaster dePlume’s process of tapping into a childish sense of creativity that is inside all of us. The simple, known fact that we all have an inner child inside of us hoping to prioritize joy. It sounds so frivolous and silly, but what does it mean to really prioritize joy?

“It’s not for me to say what other artists are, and what their responsibility is. But as far as I’m concerned with my stuff, people pay attention to what I’m doing, and I’ve got a responsibility towards them to be true. For my own sake just as a human, I’m going to prioritize joy, because I feel like it, I enjoy the idea of it. It’s not the only thing I’ll prioritize, but I have a responsibility to be true with those who come with respect. To treat them equally with respect. Some are coming to me authentically to listen, and it would be rude not to respect them with a true thing.”

In the mundane rhythms of life, in work, in play, I like this idea of prioritizing our own joy just like prioritizing responsibilities and relationships. As children, whether we knew or not, we prioritized joy without even thinking twice about it.  Curiosity, playfulness, and fearlessness all pointed us to a place of joyfulness when we were kids.  Prioritizing joy means being curious, playful and fearless. How can I do more of that?  

Moving to New York was a chance to embody more of these ways of being.  To fulfill a dream since I was fifteen, but to also become curious about a career change at thirty one, to dance in new music venues, to be fearless in a place where there is an innate fear of the city’s crime, the subway, and the biggest fear of them all…rodents.  The plentiful hours of the dark days are becoming my repurposed time to prioritize joy among other priorities. I can spend more time writing, walking the city with Bowie, investing in my mental, emotional, and physical health in different ways like trying a dance class, finding a new therapist, or connecting with a friend. I truly hopes this resonates with even one person that’s struggling with depression (regardless of the season). Know that your feelings are valid and are worth acknowledging. We can learn so much about ourselves by allowing our emotions to become a window through which we can access our inner world.

things i’m enjoying

• The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo –  This was the perfect book to get back into a groove of reading. I was in a dry spell, and I needed an easy, captivating fiction read.

• Caldo De Pollo – I’ve tried to recreate my favorite soup recipe that reminds me of home. It's the best cozy, veggie-packed comfort soup and this recipe is close to my grandmother’s. If you know me, I'm always enjoying soup season.

• The Creative Independent– A resource that helps creatives grow telling stories that illuminate the trials and tribulations of living a creative life, as told by working artists. 

what i’m listening to

• Girlpuppy: This band is my favorite new discovery of the year. A kaleidoscope of pop and rhythmically sad, longing lyrics sung by 23-year-old, Becca Harvey. After listening to this year's record, When I'm Alone, I discovered it was produced by Henry Stoehr bandmate of one of my favorite indie bands, Slow Pulp. When I recently saw the band perform at a small Brooklyn venue, Purgatory, I was enamored by Harvey’s soft, feminine lyrics and the fact that she announced that she loves Taylor Swift. Apparently, Harvey wrote the song, Destroyer, after reading Daisy Jones and The Six, and now I have one more reason to read another Jenkins Reid novel.

• Alice Phoebe Lou: I was captivated by Lou's single in 2020 titled Witches. After the South African indie artist released two albums in 2021, Glow and Child's Play, I was eager to listen to both very different pieces of work. She's has had a slow rise to indie fandom, but I appreciate her steady trajectory to make art on her own terms.

• A playlist of my 50 favorite songs in 2022, despite what Spotify wrapped says. Notable album mentions in these playlists: Pre-Pleasure by Julia Jacklin, Stay in Touch by Georgia Harmer and obviously debut album, Wet Leg by Wet Leg.

• Here's also a playlist of 55 new artists I discovered this year.

• Finally, here’s a playlist of songs that I update regularly curated with music I’m discovering and currently listening to. It’s ironically called “what I’m listening to right now!” enjoy.

Forward this to a friend or write a note back if this was inspiring to you. See you next week!